My life as a BBW

I've been moping around for 2 days missing him. I know I shouldn't, but I miss him so much.... Nothing feels the same. I keep thinking did I make a mistake? I shouldn't even think about that. I need to move on. If it's love it will make it's way back into my life. Yes I know every relationship has its ups and downs. It's just the distance and everything that went wrong had become between us.  I guess its my fault, he even said so himself. I've questioned myself and what I've done in the relationship. SO that makes me the scape goat? Whatever, I'm just tired of this cloud that follows me. I am never happy and I should have been. Someone please tell me what to think....     I cant sleep... I need to go to Barngat tomorrow. Whoo hoo... 

    People say you shouldn't look for love, it will find you. I sometimes don't believe things people tell me, but i think this one's true.     Yea so what, i was on dating sites and yes, I even messaged people instead of waiting for them to message me. I thought that maybe men liked a woman who jumps in first. Obviously, thats's a crock of shit! I've had guys message me that aren't even my type or they just want a one nightstand. I then late altered my profile and said, "To all the messed up users and abusers of this site, I'M NOT A WHORE AND NEVER WILL BE!!! So if you want a one nightstand its not me."       That little monologue made men pretty much hate me. I know it's cruel, but I just don't want that kind of drama. Been there done that. I waited patiently for that one man to come in to the picture and he did. it took me 40-50 dates later to find him, but it was worth it. As they say, if a man is...

Lonely Why does this always happen to me? Does anyone in this world want me Why do i have to be so lonely the pain inside can't be described in words I feel like nobody's out there It seems like I'm the only one in this dreadful and sorrowful world I have to make this stop This pain is getting worse everyday Soon I will die because of it. I must stop it I must..... This poem was written on 3/25/05 a few days before my birthday. My parents just split a year ago and I still wasn't over it. I was in a new school no one liked me. My own sister even told people that I wasn't her sister... isn't that messed up?  I was really struggling with depression and no one would even listen. I just want people to know that I've been through a lot and that you can relate to me and I hope I inspire people to get better.  Moving out There's always a trill and always a will to move selling and reusing old furniture is always good I'm going to miss ...