My life as a BBW

    As usual, Matt leaves on Sunday evenings to go back to college and I usually come up the week after. We pretty much keep a good schedule.  But today, I don't get to see him before he goes. He's leaving in 2 hours.I told him there's no point of even coming to see me, because I'm out of the way and it  will take 40 minutes just to get down here. I wish I could go with him. I just miss him so much.     So in order for me to cope with loosing him every other weekend, he bought me a teddy bear. here's matty.... isnt he cute?  I named him Matty. This teddy bear is so soft and cuddly I love it. Matt even said you like the teddy bear more than you like me. That is so not true. I just like silence sometimes that's all. Matt and I were discussing the future and he really wants me to be there. he said I'm his one and only and he wants that forever. Then I usally say forever is a long time are you sure ?  He beat me to the punch and tr...

Today my teddy bear aka Matt came home today from college for labor day weekend... I was so excited to see him.  So he came over... after me vigorously cleaning my room and the whole house to impress him...  I also made a awesome dinner... Well, I thought it was awesome... Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy with broccoli  . I also made brownies for desert. Needless to say that he didn't eat my brownies... He practically went running... The whole reason behind it was that I was so nervous to have sex with him I just kept physicking myself out.  It took me two hours to wrap the idea around my head. I think I fucked up right at that moment. I should have just went for it. This is why I ruin relationships...     So, I eventually get my top off and just talk to him and everything then we get into it more and he couldn't get it up.  Is it my fault? Am I not pretty enough? what did i do? It was lik...

I often wonder if Matt really sees a future with me. He seems like he wants to have someone there for the rest of his life. Don't get me wrong so do I, but he's sending me mixed signals here. I told him I'm ready to settle down whenever and he just has said when I get things squared away, I'll get engaged and then move in with that person.   Recently, he's been asking me about his future. Like what do I see us going. I want to tell him maybe getting married but he is no were near getting engaged and I truly don't think its time for him to ask that. I would love to marry him. I would do it in a heartbeat if he asked. I just want him to be sure I'm the one for him.   He's truly the only guy that can make me laugh, smile and be myself with. I fell in love with him on the 1st date. He was just so cute thinking that I was going to be judging him. I'm so not that type of person. I just wanted to get to know him and help him in life. I'll write tomorr...