My life as a BBW

    Today I woke up at 5am I have no clue why I went to sleep after talking to Matt for like 5 minutes it was 10:50p. We had a little fight and i just was tired and seriously upset. So I decided to sleep. LOL. Anyway, back to this morning. I woke up to the cold, and a bird at my window chirping. He or she does that everyday at the same time. I then said hey little birdie if you want to really live please shut up and go away. It kept doing it then I went to the window and asked it politely and it shut up and went away. After that I was awake. I seriously wanted to sleep, but I watched a Disney movie named spirit. It was an okay cartoon movie thing. The horse just spoke horse pretty much all the movie. I must say it's a tear jerker, I swear i cried for like 20 minutes. I never really cry over stuff like that.     I've been watching the stupid news since 5 as well. Who in the hell sends out party invitations over Facebook? some stupid person who's turning 15 ...

    As usual, Matt leaves on Sunday evenings to go back to college and I usually come up the week after. We pretty much keep a good schedule.  But today, I don't get to see him before he goes. He's leaving in 2 hours.I told him there's no point of even coming to see me, because I'm out of the way and it  will take 40 minutes just to get down here. I wish I could go with him. I just miss him so much.     So in order for me to cope with loosing him every other weekend, he bought me a teddy bear. here's matty.... isnt he cute?  I named him Matty. This teddy bear is so soft and cuddly I love it. Matt even said you like the teddy bear more than you like me. That is so not true. I just like silence sometimes that's all. Matt and I were discussing the future and he really wants me to be there. he said I'm his one and only and he wants that forever. Then I usally say forever is a long time are you sure ?  He beat me to the punch and tr...

    People say you shouldn't look for love, it will find you. I sometimes don't believe things people tell me, but i think this one's true.     Yea so what, i was on dating sites and yes, I even messaged people instead of waiting for them to message me. I thought that maybe men liked a woman who jumps in first. Obviously, thats's a crock of shit! I've had guys message me that aren't even my type or they just want a one nightstand. I then late altered my profile and said, "To all the messed up users and abusers of this site, I'M NOT A WHORE AND NEVER WILL BE!!! So if you want a one nightstand its not me."       That little monologue made men pretty much hate me. I know it's cruel, but I just don't want that kind of drama. Been there done that. I waited patiently for that one man to come in to the picture and he did. it took me 40-50 dates later to find him, but it was worth it. As they say, if a man is...

 this is matt and me...  Besides the no sex and the snoring... Matt is turly the one for me. I've fallen head over heels for this man. I just hope he's done the same... I can't even stop thinking about him from time to time. This labor day weekend was surely something to remember. My dad's 60th b-day party was on Saturday. Even though, his birthday was on Thursday. IT was a real blast. I even spent all my money on his party it was well worth it. He had gotten to talk to people from his home town of Trenton NJ and just reminis about memories. I on the other hand just got to sit down and hold Matts hand and have a great meal prepared by Tiffany. She rocks!! She's my dad's god-daughter. His real 1st daughter not like literally, but the 1st baby girl to take his heart. It's hard to compete with, but I know she loves him like I do.    I had so much fun this weekend it's taken me till tuesday to post this... How funny huh? I've been a busy body... Mak...

    I've been wondering if, every person we meet in our lifetime changes who we are as people. Does each one teach us something new or different? And when that person is no longer in your life do you really think about them, doing the things that they have taught you or things that you've experienced with them? I've done that many times over the years.   For example, my new boyfriend. If I hadn't met him I would have never talked about my past and just let it all out. He's my rock and best friend. Sounds like marriage vows I know. But I'm serious. If we break up I would be lost and so devastated.   He's shown me that I'm worth more than what I value myself as.  I love the fact that he supports me, and loves me for me. I couldn't ask for a more perfect man.       Today, we had a surprise birthday party for my dad... it was his 60th b-day on the 2nd of this month... Matt came and he fit right in. Everyone, loved him and I'm...

Today my teddy bear aka Matt came home today from college for labor day weekend... I was so excited to see him.  So he came over... after me vigorously cleaning my room and the whole house to impress him...  I also made a awesome dinner... Well, I thought it was awesome... Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy with broccoli  . I also made brownies for desert. Needless to say that he didn't eat my brownies... He practically went running... The whole reason behind it was that I was so nervous to have sex with him I just kept physicking myself out.  It took me two hours to wrap the idea around my head. I think I fucked up right at that moment. I should have just went for it. This is why I ruin relationships...     So, I eventually get my top off and just talk to him and everything then we get into it more and he couldn't get it up.  Is it my fault? Am I not pretty enough? what did i do? It was lik...

So I came back from camping yesterday. I was so tired and felt like shit, but I knew I had to meet up with Matt and say goodbye. I can't believe I cried so much over something stupid. I asked what is going on with him.  He just told me that he will miss me and all that jazz. Like come on I wasn't born yesterday. Please just tell me what is going on. Then he told me that him and his father were fighting about me. His father said that long distance relationships don't work and it just wouldn't in this case. His father has been against me ever since we started talking. The 1st thing he said is that girl is going to rob you blind. Like seriously, do I seem like someone to steal from someone. I hate people who assume shit. I'm a nice person I don't use people they use me. I just started crying, because it's fucking bullshit. I've tried so much to please this man and he is so against me. I just don't get it.    Anyway. Just wanted to up date and say I...

         I was invited to go camping with my friend Lisa and her Boyfriend. I love the out doors so why not right? I really didn't expect to find the love of my life in the 3 days before this trip. I guess it takes 3 long days to fall in love with someone. I'm not sure maybe I'm rushing it.  Now, I'm just worried about leaving him for 4 days. I know I'll miss him terribly and I know he'll be lost without me.  I need to take a few pics with him b4 he leaves me on Tuesday. I never thought it would be that hard. I guess I can think of it as he's going on a tour in the army. It's going to be that long, but he will be coming home on weekends and holidays.          Okay, I'm totally depressing myself here. Going to sing some music and post it up to my youtube channel. You guys should really check it out. Even though, my channel isn't so professional and polished. I'm just an amateur and have a crappy laptop mic a...

Hey yall, I know I haven't been posting much. I've just been so damn depressed with my fucked up life, sometimes I think it's not even worth talking about. Anyway, I'm back and I think for good. I just got back from one of the best dates I'll ever have in my entire life! So, before I forget anything I'm writing all the juicy details down for you while enjoying my awesome vitamin water Revive fruit punch and tastykake sugar waffers strawberry cream flavored. I love those things!!!   Now back to what I was saying. I met this guy Matt on okcupid.com. I thought this site wouldn't do me any good. I've found quite a few "fucked-asses" new word so spread it around!!!  So, we had a plan to meet by 1pm at Barnes and Noble in Hamliton. I got stuck in fucking traffic and was 10 minutes late. I was really stressed and I don't really like bookstores that much. It's like all the books are trying to get me to read them and I just can't. I hate it...