My life as a BBW

I often wonder if Matt really sees a future with me. He seems like he wants to have someone there for the rest of his life. Don't get me wrong so do I, but he's sending me mixed signals here. I told him I'm ready to settle down whenever and he just has said when I get things squared away, I'll get engaged and then move in with that person.   Recently, he's been asking me about his future. Like what do I see us going. I want to tell him maybe getting married but he is no were near getting engaged and I truly don't think its time for him to ask that. I would love to marry him. I would do it in a heartbeat if he asked. I just want him to be sure I'm the one for him.   He's truly the only guy that can make me laugh, smile and be myself with. I fell in love with him on the 1st date. He was just so cute thinking that I was going to be judging him. I'm so not that type of person. I just wanted to get to know him and help him in life. I'll write tomorr

Went fishing at the burlington river front what a crock. No fish to be had. Maybe next time.... Ill write some more later. :)

I've been really stressed out these past few days. Trying to figure out if i should be with my boyfriend who's in college and I really think he should live the college life. Like going to parties and hooking up with other people. I just don't want to hold him down. I love him I do. I just don't know if we can make it work from 200 miles away.    I feel like I have nothing to offer him. I don't have a job. I live with my sick father. I don't have a car. The list goes on and on. I'm an independent person and I hate depending on others. I've worked my ass off for everything I have and had. Okay, sorry to get off the subject, but what is a Rare Job? I was on the ouija board the other night while camping and someone on the "other side" said i should have a rare job. I've been trying to think what the hell one is.  Small business owner? Singer? artist?  I have no clue. I just want a job where i can support myself and my boyfriend when the time c

So I came back from camping yesterday. I was so tired and felt like shit, but I knew I had to meet up with Matt and say goodbye. I can't believe I cried so much over something stupid. I asked what is going on with him.  He just told me that he will miss me and all that jazz. Like come on I wasn't born yesterday. Please just tell me what is going on. Then he told me that him and his father were fighting about me. His father said that long distance relationships don't work and it just wouldn't in this case. His father has been against me ever since we started talking. The 1st thing he said is that girl is going to rob you blind. Like seriously, do I seem like someone to steal from someone. I hate people who assume shit. I'm a nice person I don't use people they use me. I just started crying, because it's fucking bullshit. I've tried so much to please this man and he is so against me. I just don't get it.    Anyway. Just wanted to up date and say I

         I was invited to go camping with my friend Lisa and her Boyfriend. I love the out doors so why not right? I really didn't expect to find the love of my life in the 3 days before this trip. I guess it takes 3 long days to fall in love with someone. I'm not sure maybe I'm rushing it.  Now, I'm just worried about leaving him for 4 days. I know I'll miss him terribly and I know he'll be lost without me.  I need to take a few pics with him b4 he leaves me on Tuesday. I never thought it would be that hard. I guess I can think of it as he's going on a tour in the army. It's going to be that long, but he will be coming home on weekends and holidays.          Okay, I'm totally depressing myself here. Going to sing some music and post it up to my youtube channel. You guys should really check it out. Even though, my channel isn't so professional and polished. I'm just an amateur and have a crappy laptop mic and webcam lol. But seriously in rea

      Today, was good... My day started out at 8am, but I went back to sleep until 9a. Then went out with my dad to eat breakfast at Medford Bagel Shop which has the best stuff ever!!! We figured that we would start out to the inspection station and get our inspection redone before the month ends. I was so shocked there were 2 cars there and 4 bays. The people were even fighting over who would go on break. Give me a FUCKING BREAK!!!       After that I texted my awesome Matty!!! I will miss him when he leaves me. Anyway, we decided I would come over and see him at his house. I met his parents MR. and MRS. B. They are some chill people. I love his mom I wish I  had a mom like her.  I literally spent all day with Matt.  Laying in his bed talking and smiling at him. I hate goodbyes and everything that deals with leaving for a long period of time. As you guys know, hes leaving for college and will be in the next state over. I don't want him to go and this is one of the hardest relati

      So our timing was a little off.. He was stuck at the eye doctors for a few hours more than we planned and I just seriously didn't want to get out of bed.  We were supposed to be at my friend's house at 1:30 and that so didn't happen I got there by 3 and my Matty arrived  around 4.  I had fun hanging out with Lisa, and her boyfriend Jeremy. They are the best people I know. I hope Matt had a good time, I don't really think he had that much fun.  But I'll see later. We had an awesome dinner turkey breast, mashed potatoes with spinach, and green beans. It was really good. I supplied the desert for the night. angel food cake with strawberries, blueberries and whipped cream.. So awesome!     Well needless to say Matt and I left around 9 30 and went down to the river front in Florence where I grew up. We talked about history of the town and of his home town as well. I could talk to Matt about anything really. Even though, I don't really like to divulge informat

Hey yall, I know I haven't been posting much. I've just been so damn depressed with my fucked up life, sometimes I think it's not even worth talking about. Anyway, I'm back and I think for good. I just got back from one of the best dates I'll ever have in my entire life! So, before I forget anything I'm writing all the juicy details down for you while enjoying my awesome vitamin water Revive fruit punch and tastykake sugar waffers strawberry cream flavored. I love those things!!!   Now back to what I was saying. I met this guy Matt on okcupid.com. I thought this site wouldn't do me any good. I've found quite a few "fucked-asses" new word so spread it around!!!  So, we had a plan to meet by 1pm at Barnes and Noble in Hamliton. I got stuck in fucking traffic and was 10 minutes late. I was really stressed and I don't really like bookstores that much. It's like all the books are trying to get me to read them and I just can't. I hate it