My life as a BBW

I'm sorry about this... My dad is getting more tests and all the bull. I'm just stressing out... My job isn't really going well. I've just been having a few bad weeks in a row. I'm not going to let it get to me thought. I'm single and I should be happy about it. I just wish I had some friends to support me and be there for me when I need them. As for my job. My last pay check was 16 hours short and my boss said it wasn't his fault. Oh ya like come  on I couldn't clock in and he told me he would fix it. In all reality i should have checked with him. So now every time he closes payroll I will have to keep tabs. I just got paid on Fri of last week and I only have 40 bucks left which is horrible. I was shorted around 140 dollars that horrible. How can someone expect me to pay bills with little to nothing. Lets pack on the stress why don't we. ON a brighter note, I recorded a new cover for my youtube channel which I'm very proud of. Its called I drea...

I've been moping around for 2 days missing him. I know I shouldn't, but I miss him so much.... Nothing feels the same. I keep thinking did I make a mistake? I shouldn't even think about that. I need to move on. If it's love it will make it's way back into my life. Yes I know every relationship has its ups and downs. It's just the distance and everything that went wrong had become between us.  I guess its my fault, he even said so himself. I've questioned myself and what I've done in the relationship. SO that makes me the scape goat? Whatever, I'm just tired of this cloud that follows me. I am never happy and I should have been. Someone please tell me what to think....     I cant sleep... I need to go to Barngat tomorrow. Whoo hoo... 

    Today I woke up at 5am I have no clue why I went to sleep after talking to Matt for like 5 minutes it was 10:50p. We had a little fight and i just was tired and seriously upset. So I decided to sleep. LOL. Anyway, back to this morning. I woke up to the cold, and a bird at my window chirping. He or she does that everyday at the same time. I then said hey little birdie if you want to really live please shut up and go away. It kept doing it then I went to the window and asked it politely and it shut up and went away. After that I was awake. I seriously wanted to sleep, but I watched a Disney movie named spirit. It was an okay cartoon movie thing. The horse just spoke horse pretty much all the movie. I must say it's a tear jerker, I swear i cried for like 20 minutes. I never really cry over stuff like that.     I've been watching the stupid news since 5 as well. Who in the hell sends out party invitations over Facebook? some stupid person who's turning 15 ...

    As usual, Matt leaves on Sunday evenings to go back to college and I usually come up the week after. We pretty much keep a good schedule.  But today, I don't get to see him before he goes. He's leaving in 2 hours.I told him there's no point of even coming to see me, because I'm out of the way and it  will take 40 minutes just to get down here. I wish I could go with him. I just miss him so much.     So in order for me to cope with loosing him every other weekend, he bought me a teddy bear. here's matty.... isnt he cute?  I named him Matty. This teddy bear is so soft and cuddly I love it. Matt even said you like the teddy bear more than you like me. That is so not true. I just like silence sometimes that's all. Matt and I were discussing the future and he really wants me to be there. he said I'm his one and only and he wants that forever. Then I usally say forever is a long time are you sure ?  He beat me to the punch and tr...

    People say you shouldn't look for love, it will find you. I sometimes don't believe things people tell me, but i think this one's true.     Yea so what, i was on dating sites and yes, I even messaged people instead of waiting for them to message me. I thought that maybe men liked a woman who jumps in first. Obviously, thats's a crock of shit! I've had guys message me that aren't even my type or they just want a one nightstand. I then late altered my profile and said, "To all the messed up users and abusers of this site, I'M NOT A WHORE AND NEVER WILL BE!!! So if you want a one nightstand its not me."       That little monologue made men pretty much hate me. I know it's cruel, but I just don't want that kind of drama. Been there done that. I waited patiently for that one man to come in to the picture and he did. it took me 40-50 dates later to find him, but it was worth it. As they say, if a man is...

    I've been wondering if, every person we meet in our lifetime changes who we are as people. Does each one teach us something new or different? And when that person is no longer in your life do you really think about them, doing the things that they have taught you or things that you've experienced with them? I've done that many times over the years.   For example, my new boyfriend. If I hadn't met him I would have never talked about my past and just let it all out. He's my rock and best friend. Sounds like marriage vows I know. But I'm serious. If we break up I would be lost and so devastated.   He's shown me that I'm worth more than what I value myself as.  I love the fact that he supports me, and loves me for me. I couldn't ask for a more perfect man.       Today, we had a surprise birthday party for my dad... it was his 60th b-day on the 2nd of this month... Matt came and he fit right in. Everyone, loved him and I'm...

Hey yall, I know I haven't been posting much. I've just been so damn depressed with my fucked up life, sometimes I think it's not even worth talking about. Anyway, I'm back and I think for good. I just got back from one of the best dates I'll ever have in my entire life! So, before I forget anything I'm writing all the juicy details down for you while enjoying my awesome vitamin water Revive fruit punch and tastykake sugar waffers strawberry cream flavored. I love those things!!!   Now back to what I was saying. I met this guy Matt on okcupid.com. I thought this site wouldn't do me any good. I've found quite a few "fucked-asses" new word so spread it around!!!  So, we had a plan to meet by 1pm at Barnes and Noble in Hamliton. I got stuck in fucking traffic and was 10 minutes late. I was really stressed and I don't really like bookstores that much. It's like all the books are trying to get me to read them and I just can't. I hate it...